Focussed on Jesus

Windows open... birds chirping.. sun brightly shinning into our home.. sitting next to a bundle of flowers in the midst of blooming into beautiful flowers. I had no idea the color of the flowers were going to be so beautiful. The simple things in life.. like this moment right now are the things I love. The things I value. The things I cherish. It's as if this moment is a piece of heaven. Calm, peaceful, so full of life and joy. Serenity. In this moment, my heart is satisfied. I am focussed on Jesus.

In church we are in the middle of going through the book of Ephesians. Today we were on Ephesians 4:17-19. The ugliness of sin and the beauty the gospel brings in its place. The sermon was not a sermon on sin and condemnation. It was not focussed on how awful we are because we are all sinners. It was focussed on Jesus. Sin is not about changing behavior to create a more accepting exterior for others to notice. It's about transformation.. transforming our hearts and our minds to become more like Jesus. The pastor talked about how easy it is to go back to old patterns, its comfortable keeping our "old clothes on". How do we know we have slipped back into the pattern of our sin? It was a great sermon.

This sermon really bothered me. It actually bothered me a lot! What is MY sin? I have come to a place in my life where I feel like I don't have an "active" behavioral type of sin... my sin isn't so obvious that it's starring me in the face. When the pastor asked us to think about our sin, what we are struggling with right now and keep it in mind while he talked about sin and redemption, Nothing popped up in my head. Nothing. What does that mean? Am I perfect? Absolutely not! This really urked me! I sat there and pleaded with God praying that he would show me my sin because I know I am not perfect. We sin every single day if not every single moment.. but no sin came to my mind. In the middle of these thoughts and frustration I sensed joy. Why? Because I noticed how God has been transforming me more and more into the likeness of Christ. He is continuing to transform my character. My outward, noticeable, behavioral, tug and pull sins have become internalized sins. Sins of the deepest parts of my heart. Today, I had to ask God to search my heart in all the deepest layers possible. The sins I am struggling with right now. He came through.. God revealed to me today the sins of my heart. Thoughts. Ideas. I have not been spending enough time exploring the deepest layers of my heart. I am excited because I feel like God is working in me so greatly. I am sad because I have failed to notice just how deeply my heart is beginning to change and continues to change into the likeness of Christ.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why it's been really hard for me to become closer to God. The past month or so I have been feeling like a wall has been put up between me and God. A wall of fear. It didn't make sense because in the arms of Jesus, there is nothing to fear. I was still afraid. It now makes sense. I think I was sensing that Jesus is interested in working in the deep layers of my heart. Layers that I have never opened or explored. I mean I have explored them at one point but I think that the closer you become to Christ, the more transformation takes place, the more layers of your heart you see because the layers are transformed. What do the transformed layers look like? What do they hold? Do I want to see what's inside? Will I still be accepted when I see the ugliness of my heart? But wait. Think about all the amazing ways God can use those parts... All the love and acceptance that Christ has to offer is much deeper than anyone can know.. There is so much beauty Jesus has to offer. He is safe. Am I willing to allow Him to show me the deepest layers of my heart? Yes. Today Jesus revealed to me a sin I have been struggling with deep in my heart. Sure it results outwardly but it shows in the smallest ways.. so small that I might be the only one that notices. It's pretty amazing and very interesting. I consider this the beginning to an even deeper relationship with Christ.

At the end of the service we have worship. At this time, there are different places throughout the room where you can take communion in your own time if you desire. In the middle of a song, an entire family consisting of four children (3 years old to 17 years old) headed toward the communion table. The father allowed everyone to get their bread dipped in juice first.. his children, his wife and then himself. He gathered up the family, they huddled together arm over arm, heads downward toward each other and the father led them in prayer. Tears welled in  my eyes... THIS is a beautiful picture of the gospel! A family... the most tangible way we can experience the fullness of Christ and try to get a better understanding of the way God works. This reminded me of why I am so excited to start a family with my husband. To be a complete display of the gospel that points others toward Jesus and to grow into an even deeper relationship with Christ. Watching the father lead his family into communion made the gospel come alive for me today. Worship was alive. My heart is alive.

Jesus is my focus..