UPDATE: 8K and Yoga

This past Saturday I completed the Almond Blossom 8K in Ripon. It was blistering cold outside!! The cloud cover was dark grey and heavy.. it looked like snow clouds. We got a glimpse of the sun for about one mile during the race. Cold and windy. My toes were numb before we even started running! They finally thawed out at the 3 mile mark. Crazy! But it was SOO much fun!! I absolutely loved the experience. When I got near the end I sprinted in as fast as I was able.. I finished the 8K in 46:05.1 which was faster than I anticipated. I went from a 10 min/mile to a 9 min/mile in 2 1/2 weeks! I'm happy with that! :) I also came in 10th in my age group (20-29) out of 31 people and 155 out of 324.. right in the middle. So I can now say that I have done an 8K! First time for everything.

THEN today, I officially signed up and paid for my yoga teacher training!!! I felt soo nervous after I sent in my completed application and payment. I'm really excited!!! It's an 8 month training program. It starts in March and goes until September. Once I complete the training I will be a certified yoga instructor and ready to teach! I will also join the Yoga Alliance once I am done. The certification is good forever! I just have to get a certain number of continuing education hours every year, but that's standard. :) I'm on my way to opening my yoga studio!!!!! :) I have been trying to come up with a fun catchy name... hmmmmm I have plenty of time to be thinking about one.

Alright off to finish laundry, cook dinner (LOVE my crockpot!!) and write my court report in between..

LAZZZZZYYYYYY!!!!

Oh man, I feel SOOOO LAZY this morning...! Maybe I should go running to awaken the fire inside of me.. haha I don't know what to do with my day!!

HOLY CALVES!!!

So I did it.. I ran my 3 miles this morning.. an hour later and the clouds have neither parted or poured down rain.. didn't lose out either way..

BUT MAN it was COLD! I layered up to prepare.. body warm but head freezing and calves burning! Before I left for my run I was like "this is going to be a piece of cake compared to yesterday" WELL.. after running 7 miles yesterday, running three miles in the cold and wind this morning was pretty tough. I walked a couple of times for 20 - 30 seconds. I tried my best to run hard but it just was not happening.. lol However I did run 3.2 miles in 30:11 so that makes my average 9 min 40 seconds per mile. That's not bad at all. I figure that if I can run this well by myself with no one cheering me on.. at the race when people are on the sides yelling at the runners (me included) I will have much more adrenaline and energy. I'm soo curious to see what my time will be... I'm just excited to be running! :)

I am heading to pilates in a few minutes after I change out of my super sweaty layers.. and.. if the sun does not come out I am contemplating making sure my jacuzzi still works! haha :)

Happy Monday!

Parting Clouds... Or.. Rain..??

I am sitting here on a lovely relaxing Monday. It's 7:40am and so far I have already had breakfast, my coffee, unloaded the dishwasher, did my quiet time with Jesus, finished the book This Momentary Marriage, watched the latest episode of Brothers and Sisters.. now contemplating if the clouds are going to part and let the sun shine or if the grey clouds will let rain pour down. Today is my short 3 mile run. I'd much rather run outside as opposed to on the treadmill.. the cold and the possibility of rain is not helping my motivation. I wonder if I wait another 30 min or so if it will be warmer and sunny.. hmmm....

Yesterday I ran 7.12 miles!! And I ran the whole time.. I did not stop once to walk. It was hard too because half of the time I was running against the wind which was hard but I didn't give up! Having two days off of running really helped my endurance! :) It didn't even seem like 7 miles. I actually think I could have ran another couple miles easily but it's all a mind game because as I got closer to my house I KNEW that my run was coming to an end and was excited. I didn't even feel tired aside from my lower back starting to hurt. Other than that, I was golden. It felt good and I felt accomplished. :) I am SOO READY for my 8K THIS Saturday morning. Came up fast! I wonder if I will continue to run after that... That's been my motivation for running so much and so far.. We'll see. :)

Alright well... I guess I will go outside to see how cold it actually is and then make up my mind if I will run now or in a half an hour. I'm just afraid that if I wait it will start raining then I will be stuck running at the gym next to people vacuuming around me or cleaning with the nasty smelling cleaner while my eyes glued to the treadmill trying to push myself as hard as I can. I prefer the outdoors... Now I'm just rambling. Alrighty - let this run begin! Peace Out! haha :)

Opportunities are Endless

The thing I love about myself is also the same thing that frustrates me: My passion for things! I feel like I get passionate about things easily... not just passionate but REALLY passionate. I have to learn to hold on to the passion and then wait it out to see if it wears off or it sticks to me. I've always felt like God is preparing me for something big. I have no idea what it is, I just know it has not yet happened. One thing I know for sure that I am passionate about and will always be passionate about is God (well of course) but Psychology.. helping people.. counseling, Social Work, Group therapy... I can't see myself working in any of those capacities long term. Right now I LOVE being a CASA! I feel like it combines counseling with social work while being able to build an authentic transformative relationship with the child. This job is IDEAL and I can see myself being a CASA for an extremely long time. So that's a definite. I have been interested in this helping profession since I was about five or six years old begging my mom to let me go to an orphanage to be with the kids. Well no orphanages in Sacramento led to other things.. But that's where my passion began.

Lately, God has been getting me really passionate about keeping healthy. Eating healthy, living a healthy life and remaining spiritually healthy.. the main thing: The heart. Being passionate about the heart is linked to psychology and helping people. Interesting. I have always been really passionate about yoga and pilates and have taken classes consistently for the past 7 years. I fell in love with my yoga studio in Rocklin so it's been REALLY hard trying out new classes here in Manteca. I almost wonder if people in Manteca REALLY know what GOOD yoga and pilates looks like.. the closest I have come is the pilates classes on the apparatus machines at the gym. Well guess what? The classes are $65/each for one hour! You have got to be kidding me! People actually pay this.. In my search for a GOOD yoga and pilates class from Modesto to Tracy has ended in a GREAT pilates class at the gym once a week. You need to do yoga/pilates at least two times a week if not three times a week to really see results so that's a bummer. And there's a decent place in Tracy with really good rates. But nothing compares to the studio in Rocklin. Tim has been telling me I should teach yoga and in the past six months at every single class I have attended the instructor always comments on how flexible I am... or how I should consider teaching. At first I have laughed at these comments because at the studio in Rocklin I fit right in the middle of the spectrum and here I feel like I am way advanced. I'm convinced it's because the yoga and pilates classes in the area for the most part.. STINK! Anyways, there's a yoga teacher training program at the studio I used to go to in Rocklin!! It starts March and goes until September. It's about one weekend a month.. there's a couple months that it's two weekends.. so I could always stay with friends or at my parent's house on the weekends if I need to do so.. the only problem is that it's really expensive! So now I am wondering if I should consider doing it.. It would only be worth it if I ended up teaching at the end.

So here's my idea: what about a women's wellness center? A place for women to go to become spiritually, physically and mentally healthy? Yoga is GREAT for diagnoses such as depression and anxiety as well as many other disorders. Counseling is great for mental health... that's where the relationship healing comes into play. Massage is great as well.. so a place that offers counseling, massage therapy and yoga therapy. A woman can join to just do the yoga if they choose.. no one has to do all three.. but a place that offers all three. Or maybe just align with a few good counseling centers and get them to refer clients to me for additional therapy as a part of their treatment plan. I am starting to get passionate thinking about this idea. I'm wondering if people would come to the center... if so, does this idea have longevity. It's crazy to think that in life we can do anything.. we really can. I mean think about it, if you want to be a counselor.. go to school.. if you want to be a yoga instructor get your training... the opportunities are endless. I just wonder if this passionate idea will still be with me a year from now.. how do I know this is a longterm passion..? I don't. So I'm just sitting here contemplating things..

Any ideas? Would you go to the wellness center (of course, if it had a good name?!)? Homeopathic healing based on the idea that relaxation, meditation (whatever that means to someone.. just a time of being present) and relationships are vital for healing. God existing at the top... whether this means the counselor is praying silently for their client in session or if the person has a relationship with God. This wouldn't be a Christian place.. it would be a secular place with Christian principles. And of course, we would sell Origin coffee... :) haha

Opportunities really are endless..

CALLED OUT!

Woah.... God totally called me out this morning. Don't you HATE that?! After the "what the heck..?" frustration is over... the "wow.. thank you" sets in. I was totally called out on something I have been struggling with.. a decision I have been trying to make. Deep down inside I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't want to do it... God has forced me to move beyond myself and into the arms of grace in order to extend/display the Gospel to others.

Thank you God for calling me out. Sometimes we need a kick in the butt. I got mine today!

A gift from God

I am reminded today that we are sacred - our bodies are a gift from God. Sure we've heard this before over and over again. Our body is our temple.. treat it well.. yadda yadda yadda. But have you really internalized that for yourself? It goes deeper than just saying we are special... our bodies are an extremely intricate gift from God.

This thought has become deeply rooted in my heart. Since Jan. 1, 2011 I started eating much better.. And no this was not a New Year's resolution (I HATE those).. it was the date that the holidays were over! haha I enjoyed my food during the holidays. :) Anyways, I started researching lots of healthy, filling and tasty meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have never been much of a breakfast person but now I cannot wake up without it. It fuels my day. Making healthy choices at the beginning of the day motivates me to continue eating healthy... Before I would wait til lunch time to eat.. by that time I was STARVING and more likely to crave things that weren't healthy. I started to change my habits. In the beginning I would eat healthy no matter what.. I would not only count my calories but be paying attention to my nutritional intake making sure my meals were balanced well. This means going out to yummy restaurants and eating soup and salads without dressing, no appetizers and no dessert. If you know me well, I would much rather order other things when I go out. But I did it. Every day for a month. I ended up losing 8 pounds. At the one month mark my body was used to eating healthy as well as eating small yummy snacks every two or three hours. (this is key!) I've found AMAZING meals that have been so filling that I don't see how I can ever go back to my "not-so-good" eating habits. I'm at the point now where I have lost 10 pounds. I eat really healthy on the weekdays. Then on the weekends I indulge.. Pizza, Beer, good meals at restaurants... gotta keep on enjoying those things. :) The funny thing is that I cannot eat nearly as much as I had before because of my new healthy eating habits. And I feel better than ever! Oh I forgot to mention that I have also been working out a lot during the week..! :)
***Note: myfitnesspal.com (there's a FREE iPhone app for it too) is the secret component to my continued weight loss and healthy eating habits**

Anyway, today I continued the intermediate training schedule for the 8K and I had to run 5.5 miles. I mapped out my run on RunKeeper.. it ended up being 5.78 miles and went for it! The training schedule gave me permission to walk at the half way mark. Today's run was about endurance and not time.. but my prideful determination secretly paid close attention to the time. I realized half way through that I would do better if I listened to my body instead of trying to compete with myself for time. Once I did this I noticed that I was able to run at a slightly faster pace not stopping as much. Throughout the run I couldn't help but to keep God at the forefront of my mind. People popped up in my head and I prayed for them. The cool air reminded me how precious God is for creating our environment. However, it is very different running on country roads. At one point I was paying more attention to the ground and the cars coming down the road than my surroundings.. I turned my head to and my heart skipped a beat! Three HUGE cows were literally staring at me! Didn't expect that.. haha I prefer cows to the scary small dog I encountered last week (I purposely avoided the street the dog lives on).

As my iPhone was on shuffle, random songs would pop up. One song was the song Tim and I danced to at our wedding. God reminded me how sacred our bodies are.. how important it is to take our bodies seriously... by that I mean internalize the fact that our bodies are a precious gift from God.. we need to take care of our bodies. Taking care of our bodies spiritually is only one part of the equation. Taking care of our bodies physically - internally is extremely important. All the important things are that make our body function are INSIDE of us - especially our heart. God cares about our heart.. our spiritual condition and physical condition. When we eat fatty unhealthy foods, our heart is being affected.. if we don't eat enough food, when we eat the right amount of food, when we exercise our heart is being affected. Our relationship with God is a heart relationship. All of our thoughts, actions and words are reflections of our heart. It begins with the heart. Somehow I am beginning to think that taking care of our body and our heart is closely linked to our spiritually well being. If we understand our bodies better, if we understand what makes our heart beat fast physically (i.e. running, walking, etc), what makes our heart slow down... if we can learn to understand God on an even deeper level. If our hearts are in better conditions physically.. perhaps our hearts will also become in a better condition spiritually.. to a certain extent of course.. this is not neglecting continual growth in having a personal relationship with Jesus.

I think there's a lot of truth to this... maybe not for everyone.. but for me personally.. I know when God is speaking to me because my heart will start to beat really fast. Usually this happens when God has spoken to me and wants me to share it with someone else. I know the time is right to share it with the specific person when my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. I am forced to be obedient to God in the moment because of my heart's condition. I am attentive and aware of the physical state of my heart. At the same time... my heart's physical manifestation is also a spiritual signal for me. If I understand what my heart feels like while doing other things like physical activities perhaps I will be able to discern God speaking to me on a deeper level because I know the difference even better. And while doing physical activities, my heart is getting a work out.. keeping it healthy and taking care of my body.

There's also TONS of scripture about our human bodies... being the arms and legs of the church, Jesus is the head... etc... If we are not taking care of our bodies, how can we understand these verses deeply? If we are not aware of our body... how do we know what it feels like to use our arms and our legs? This can start to become a little touchy because I am fully aware that some of us have physical limitations. Some of us do not have arms and do not have legs. However, we can all understand these concepts because we have a foundation for knowing what arms and legs are... if we cannot use them, we see others using them.. there's still a basis for understanding. And with taking care of our bodies.. sure it means eating well and keeping our heart healthy. This can be done in many different ways... The main idea is to take care of our bodies physically and spiritually.. whatever this means to each person.. it will have a different meaning. I hope this makes sense.. haha

Our body is also a gift to our spouse. Honoring God with our bodies, keeping it healthy physically and spiritually is also honoring our spouse. Everything is linked. It's amazing how every single thing points us to Jesus... So a challenge to all: Keep your body healthy physically (especially your heart) and pay attention to see how and if there's any spiritual growth because of it.. Try it for one month..

P.S. If anyone has great songs for working out please let me know! :) My songs are more mellow... I'm thinking an upbeat song will help me more.. lol :)

Humility in the midst of determination

Today I have discovered something interesting. Pride and Determination.. determination sounds great but can it just be a good sounding word to mask a large amount of pride? Yes indeed :)

So I'm training for this 8K that I just found out about last week and the run is on Feb. 26th.. in two weeks. Before last week, it had been a good couple of months since I ran more than a mile. Going from running a mile to running 5 miles in a short amount of time is a leap but do-able. I went online this morning and printed out this weekly training guide for running an 8K. It looked really great! The training guide is based on a 8 week training program for a 8K! Since the race is two weeks away, I looked at week 6. Of course I am a beginner and I know this but I couldn't help but look at the intermediate training guide. With the intermediate weekly training you run about 22-25 miles a week with strength and training, working out six days a week. That's a lot of running!

But you know what?! I DO NOT want to be a beginner so I was determined to go straight to the intermediate workout today. Today's work out was interval training. Running really fast for .25 of a mile then slowly jogging/walking for .25 miles. You do each 8 times. At the end of the interval training you have run 4 miles. It worked out that the gym was the best place for me to do this training to make sure I was running for .25 to keep track of my time and distance. Well, I started running on the treadmill at 9.4 and it felt sooo good! After one mile my heart felt like it was going to explode. I was reminded that I am NOT an intermediate. BUT I was SOO determined!! In this moment God told me that my pride was taking over and that I needed to embrace where I am at.. because frankly a heart attack or fainting is not okay. So the second mile of the interval training I ran at 7 and then walked at 4.5. After the second mile, my heart was beating normal and then my adrenaline kicked in! I went back to determination. This time instead of running as fast as I was able to, I embraced where I'm at.. I ran at about 6.5.. 7 or 8 when I was able and then walked at 4.5ish. And guess what?! I completed the entire 4 miles AND I was a minute under which means even with this interval training I ran just seconds under a 10 minute mile. My goal is a 8 1/2 min mile. Is this possible in two weeks.. hmmmm

Also, I have come to a new understanding of God giving us strength to do anything - to get us through when we feel like we can't do it anymore. I have heard people use this for EVERYTHING. While it is true, we do have a decision to keep on going. For me, I believe that in the midst of something hard God pulls you through when He speaks to you. Like in the above scenario. God was telling me about pride and determination. It was this little lesson from Him that made me keep on going. That's clearly God giving me strength to pull through. Those thoughts were not my own. I mean come on why would I be thinking of pride while I'm running? haha It was clearly God speaking to me. If I felt like I was getting tired but then decided to keep on going, I believe that is ME, my humanness to encourage me to go.. but not necessarily God giving me strength. So my question is how do you know when God is giving you the strength to pull through or if YOU are the one giving yourself strength to pull through? From my experience today, for me.. I think that there is a big difference between the two and we get these confused all the time. But its also hard because they blend together.. one of those things that we will never know but interesting ideas to ponder.

After I ran I did a little strength training. I'm an over achiever. So now I want to say that I am an intermediate training for the 8K. My pride and determination are linked together. I may be in for a surprise when I'm suppose to run 7 miles in a couple days!! I am praying for humility in the midst of determination. Can that happen?

Focussed on Jesus

Windows open... birds chirping.. sun brightly shinning into our home.. sitting next to a bundle of flowers in the midst of blooming into beautiful flowers. I had no idea the color of the flowers were going to be so beautiful. The simple things in life.. like this moment right now are the things I love. The things I value. The things I cherish. It's as if this moment is a piece of heaven. Calm, peaceful, so full of life and joy. Serenity. In this moment, my heart is satisfied. I am focussed on Jesus.

In church we are in the middle of going through the book of Ephesians. Today we were on Ephesians 4:17-19. The ugliness of sin and the beauty the gospel brings in its place. The sermon was not a sermon on sin and condemnation. It was not focussed on how awful we are because we are all sinners. It was focussed on Jesus. Sin is not about changing behavior to create a more accepting exterior for others to notice. It's about transformation.. transforming our hearts and our minds to become more like Jesus. The pastor talked about how easy it is to go back to old patterns, its comfortable keeping our "old clothes on". How do we know we have slipped back into the pattern of our sin? It was a great sermon.

This sermon really bothered me. It actually bothered me a lot! What is MY sin? I have come to a place in my life where I feel like I don't have an "active" behavioral type of sin... my sin isn't so obvious that it's starring me in the face. When the pastor asked us to think about our sin, what we are struggling with right now and keep it in mind while he talked about sin and redemption, Nothing popped up in my head. Nothing. What does that mean? Am I perfect? Absolutely not! This really urked me! I sat there and pleaded with God praying that he would show me my sin because I know I am not perfect. We sin every single day if not every single moment.. but no sin came to my mind. In the middle of these thoughts and frustration I sensed joy. Why? Because I noticed how God has been transforming me more and more into the likeness of Christ. He is continuing to transform my character. My outward, noticeable, behavioral, tug and pull sins have become internalized sins. Sins of the deepest parts of my heart. Today, I had to ask God to search my heart in all the deepest layers possible. The sins I am struggling with right now. He came through.. God revealed to me today the sins of my heart. Thoughts. Ideas. I have not been spending enough time exploring the deepest layers of my heart. I am excited because I feel like God is working in me so greatly. I am sad because I have failed to notice just how deeply my heart is beginning to change and continues to change into the likeness of Christ.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why it's been really hard for me to become closer to God. The past month or so I have been feeling like a wall has been put up between me and God. A wall of fear. It didn't make sense because in the arms of Jesus, there is nothing to fear. I was still afraid. It now makes sense. I think I was sensing that Jesus is interested in working in the deep layers of my heart. Layers that I have never opened or explored. I mean I have explored them at one point but I think that the closer you become to Christ, the more transformation takes place, the more layers of your heart you see because the layers are transformed. What do the transformed layers look like? What do they hold? Do I want to see what's inside? Will I still be accepted when I see the ugliness of my heart? But wait. Think about all the amazing ways God can use those parts... All the love and acceptance that Christ has to offer is much deeper than anyone can know.. There is so much beauty Jesus has to offer. He is safe. Am I willing to allow Him to show me the deepest layers of my heart? Yes. Today Jesus revealed to me a sin I have been struggling with deep in my heart. Sure it results outwardly but it shows in the smallest ways.. so small that I might be the only one that notices. It's pretty amazing and very interesting. I consider this the beginning to an even deeper relationship with Christ.

At the end of the service we have worship. At this time, there are different places throughout the room where you can take communion in your own time if you desire. In the middle of a song, an entire family consisting of four children (3 years old to 17 years old) headed toward the communion table. The father allowed everyone to get their bread dipped in juice first.. his children, his wife and then himself. He gathered up the family, they huddled together arm over arm, heads downward toward each other and the father led them in prayer. Tears welled in  my eyes... THIS is a beautiful picture of the gospel! A family... the most tangible way we can experience the fullness of Christ and try to get a better understanding of the way God works. This reminded me of why I am so excited to start a family with my husband. To be a complete display of the gospel that points others toward Jesus and to grow into an even deeper relationship with Christ. Watching the father lead his family into communion made the gospel come alive for me today. Worship was alive. My heart is alive.

Jesus is my focus..

Productive Day and it's only 3:00pm!

What a fun day so far. I cannot believe how productive it has already been. I guess it helps that I am feeling much better today even though I have the dreaded lingering running nose. Anyway, I have been waking up at 5:00a with my husband.. it's tax season so he leaves the house EARLY. I have been making him coffee to create a nice setting for him to spend time with God each morning before he leaves for work. (Thanks for the suggestion Jess!). It's been really great being able to see him without a blurred vision before the day starts.

Since I haven't been feeling well, I have been going back to sleep until 8:30a after he leaves (hehe). I hope that by next week, I can actually wake up at that time and hit the gym early. Today after I woke up, I had a scrumptous breakfast (Trader Joe's whole wheat English Muffins with Hummus and Greek Yogurt with blueberries, almonds and a little bit of blue agave syrup to help sweeten it) and of course a cup of Origin (origincoffee.org) Peru coffee. So yummy! :) I had some time with Jesus, read my chapter of This Momentary Marriage and then off for a run.

I was presented with a challenge to run a 8k on Feb 26th! I haven't done long distance running in a few months. I was apprehensive. I decided to put myself to the test. (I like to create funny challenges and games with myself.. it keeps me motivated) My challenge today was to run 4 miles without stopping to walk. That means an average of 10 min/mile. Good for starters. :) And guess what?!?! I did it! I ran 4.12 miles in 40 minutes. I stopped ONE time to walk for a very short time because I literally almost got attacked by a dog! It was so scary! It was a smaller dog too.. those things can be vicious. It squeezed from under the small garage opening, ran after me, jumping, mouth wide open ready to take a bite out of my ankle! I wish I was on camera.. it was quite the scene. I was jumping alternating my legs while trying to run away screaming (Ahhh.. GET AWAY.. GET AWAY!) The neighborhood was silent.. families with working people.. FINALLY it left me alone and stared at me until it couldn't see me anymore. I have never been scared like that by a dog.. let alone a SMALL dog! The sound of it is just ridiculous. I suppose I am a fighter and not a flighter.. haha My point: I finished my run. Yes, I can and will officially be running the 8k the end of this month. I'm quite exhilarated about the idea.. and it looks like my mom (possibly my sister as well) will come down to run it with me! :)

Then I got ready to go to my hubby's office for lunch. They have a chef that makes fabulous lunches during tax season. I was able to see my hubby for a good 20 minutes, chat with some great ladies that work in the office and eat a delicious pasta lunch! Oh and before going into the office, I dropped my car off at the car wash place across the street. When I was done with lunch, my car was nice and clean.. inside and out! Ahhhh... :)

Since Tracy finally has a Macy's (it's itty bitty but it's there!) I had to go get my huge discount on the clothes I bought this past Monday. My coupon started on Tuesday! I literally got $322 worth of clothes for $125.. cute clothes and great brands. I love Macy's! :) And I love the $25 gift cards I get when I fill out dumb consumer surveys on erewards.com hehe Oh! I also went to Barnes and Noble and got a fabulous devotional called Jesus Calling. My friend Chelsea recommended it.. it looks sooo good and I'm excited to start it tomorrow morning. :) Maybe I will start it this afternoon. Yes, I am THAT excited! I also went to the bank too.

Now I'm home.. I have had a productive day and it's only 3p! Fabulous! I am always filled with energy when I get lots done in a short amount of time. This afternoon, I'm picking out some eyeshadows online and relaxing! :) I may even get to watch a movie. Then I'm off to community group with amazing new friends. What a great day! My flowers are even blooming and the sun is out. haha I'm so happy today.

Alright I'm done. Hope you are having a fabulous week. Tomorrow is FRIDAY! :)

Substitution

Think of the last time you got mad at someone.. think of the last time you said something mean and would do anything to take it back... think of a time you did something that went against your set of morals.. something "bad".. maybe you hurt someone's feelings, maybe you got mad or did someone to something. Afterwards, remember the realization that you can't believe what you did? Remember going to the person and pleading with them so that they would forgive you and things would go back to "normal"?

Whether or not you actually went to the person to say that you're sorry, I'm sure we could all remember a time we had a feeling similar to the one described above. Now, think about this.. what if you went to that person hiding your face by your hands pleading to say that you are sorry.. putting all your "badness" you have done to that person in your hands.. hiding behind all the awful things you feel soooo bad about. What if the person looked at you with a loving look, then turned to the other person in the room and punished them for the things YOU did wrong?! It just wasn't another person in the room, your friend turned to their SON! Someone sweet and innocent.. someone that didn't deserve it. Then they looked at you like nothing had ever happened between the two of you and things went on like "normal"? Pretty weird huh? I'm sure we would have a huge sense of relief in the midst of an array of massive confusion. "That was suppose to be me! Why didn't you punish ME???" Maybe there would be a little bit of resentment almost.. after all YOU were the one that deserved it, NOT that your friend's SON!!

John Piper in his book, This Momentary Marriage, made me think of the above scenario. That is what God did to us.... he looked at our hands full of sin, our "badness" and then took Jesus' hands and nailed them to the cross. Jesus was our substitution. Although this is no new news to me.. the way the book explained it made me think about it more deeply than I ever have before. Perhaps because the chapter was speaking about marriage.. maybe it's because since being married I can now relate to my relationship with God in a deeper, new, tangible way. A different way than I have ever looked at it before. Whatever the case may be, Piper made me think. I'd like to share something with you from the book:

From Chapter 3:

Pg. 45: Be sure you see this most wonderful and astonishing of all truths: God took the record of all your sins that made you a debtor to wrath (sins are offenses against God that bring down his wrath), and instead of holding them up in front of your face and using them as a warrant to send you to hell, God put them in the palm of his Son's hand and drove a spike through them into the cross. It is a bold and graphic statement: He canceled the record of our debt.. nailing it to the cross (Col. 2:14).

Then he talks about God's wrath and how it plays a part in your marriage.. to the justification and grace from God extending it horizontally to your spouse.

Pg. 48 But the reasons I stress living vertically from the grace of God and then bending it out horizontally in forgiveness and justification toward your spouse are: 1) because there is going to be conflict based on sin and strangeness (and you won't even be able to agree with each other about what is simply strange about each other and what is sin); and 2) because the hard, rugged work of enduring and forgiving is what makes it possible for affections to flourish when they seem to have died; and 3) because God gets glory when two very different and very imperfect people forge a life of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.

I love Piper's wording in the above paragraph... we will not even be able to agree with each other about what is simply strange and what is sin... haha We are all simply strange.. yes. We will never be able to fully understand one another, just like we will never be able to fully understand God. God is simply strange as well... Just funny because it's so true.

Well, those are my thoughts for the day.. Jesus, our substitution how magnificent! Remember all you married folks: As Mark South would say.. Grace is the lube in marriage! Through grace we have all been saved.... and through grace all our marriages have/will be saved.. marriage, a tangible expression of Jesus' relationship with his bride - the church (people - us!) Don't forget it!